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rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc |
Jeez... did everyone post a MiSTing today? Anyways here's the "exciting
conclusion"
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sinny2.txt 39K ]
(SoL. Tom is alone holding up a chart.)
Tom: Ahem... In honor of this fanfic I have come up with this chart to illustrate "Body
Switches I Would Like to See." For my first body switch I have chosen P-funk master
George Clinton and a cow. (Looks around and sees nobody is around) Hey, where is
everybody?
(Tom hears the muffled voice of Mike coming from below.)
Mike: Tom? Is that you? It's me, Mike! That person up there isn't me!!! It's my evil
brother: Eddie! You've got let me out of here!
Tom: Huh? Is that you, Mike? I can't hear you... could you speak up?
(Crow enters)
Crow: What's going on, Tom?
Tom: I think Mike's down there. He's saying something about Eddie Munster...
Crow: Eddie Munster? Man, he really has gone nuts! Listen, I've got to talk to you
about something. Something very important.
Tom: (nervous) I don't know what Gypsy's talking about... honestly... we've never had an
affair!
Crow: (Confused) What?
Tom: Oh, nothing, please continue.
Crow: Anyways... "Sinister Unmasked" has made me realize something about myself. I..
I... I am a transvestite. There, I said it. I've always enjoyed dressing up in women's
clothing... but I never put two and two together until this fanfic.
Tom: (Skeptical) And this is different from the time that you thought you were a
Belarian in what way?
Crow: Oh... I've had some identity problems in the past, but this is different.
Tom: Right. Remember that time you thought you were a bear and mauled me? Or that
time you thought you were a bear and tried to maul me? Or that weekend you were
convinced YOU were the dragon from "Dragonheart," and spent all of your time saying
"I am the LASHT one!" Or the time you were sure that you were the one who shot J.R.?
Mike: (muffled) Are you guys going to help me or not?
Crow: (to Mike) Sure, we'll help a tree to rot... (To Tom) Are you quite finished?
Tom: Heck no... there was that time you thought you were a nineteenth century British
chimney sweep... and the time you thought you were Celine Dion for some reason.
Crow: Hey! I was under a lot of stress!!! I had just finished watching "The Giant Spider
Invasion." Twice!
Tom: And there was the time you thought you were a... (sees movie sign) Fanfic sign!
Crow: I never thought I was a fanfic sign. What are you.. oh, I see..
(Tom and Crow enter theater.)
Tom: ...and the time you thought you were a bad Vegas comedian...
Crow: Okay, okay, I got the picture.
>Disclaimer: I own none of these people they're all Marvel's except me. They can't have
>me, so there. I'm not making any money off this, so all you people who were preparing
>to send me your life savings, have a little fun and go to McDonald's
>This story occurs in the off hours after Sinister Unmasked, so if you didn't read it hurry
>up and do so...or my new boyfriend, the devil-dude (PANT!!)
> Intermission: At Villains One
>It just wasn't fair. After all he'd done for her, all the sacrifices to his career just so he
>could play the role of her husband, and she runs to the first costumed clown she sees.
>Jean and Jon A.K.A Sinister were sitting across from each other sipping from a
>milkshake with two straws
>He growled and started to swallow down his whiskey in one gulp. It sprayed out of his
>mouth as he was savagely smacked on the back. He turned with one hand to his visor to
>kill...oh it was only Magneto.
>Eric smiled at him,"Drinking to much are you not my friend?"
>He shook his head "Wild hair E, who did it up for you?"
>Eric grinned happily, "Well I just started dating this great girl, and she does hair.
>"Oh? What's her name?"
>Eric smiled, "Henrietta McRoy" Scott started choking on his drink.
>"Um yeah, I wish you and this, um, girl lot's of luck." and with that he ran for the
>bathroom barely holding back his laughter behind his tightly clamped hand. Eric just
>shook his head.
>"Eric honey, over here. Hi sweetiekins." Eric hurried over to his girlfriend, a tall big
>boned girl with electric pink fur, nine inch heels, low cut miniskirt and loads of jewelry.
>Jon looked at Jean looking back at him, he couldn't believe his luck. He'd just met Jean,
>and already they were living together in his apartment nearby. He'd been dreaming
>about actually asking her out for so long, then all it took was one five minute
>intermission for all his prayers to come true.
>They both looked up suddenly when Jubes came up to the table dragging Wolvie behind
>her. She was out of her trademark yellow trenchcoat and was wearing one of Wolvie's
>slashed up work shirts and a pair of his sweatpants. He was wearing a flannel shirt and
>jeans, his nose was wrinkled up in distaste at the thick cover of cigar smoke covering
>the room.
>"Hi guys, how're ya doin?" he said watching with amusement as Jubes ran to the bar to
>get their usual drinks: diet soda for Wolvie and a White Russian for herself.
>Scott moved up beside him, "Hey Wolvie. "
>"Scott. It looks like we'll be going to Villain's again, you coming?" They ducked as a
>heavy bottle of liquor flew over their heads, hitting Bishop on the head. He was up in a
>flash with his guns, and everything else, trained on the barkeep who had thrown it.
>"Barkeep your bottles had better stay there, or you'll be cleaning them up with your
>tongue, and quit staring at me, your making me nervous."
>Wolvie rolled his eyes "Ya know he's the only one that's exactly like his fanfic
>character."
>Scott grinned, "Yeah, I'll come over to Villain's with ya. Hey Eric's new girlfriend
>is...get this...Henrietta McRoy."
>Wolvie's eyes widened and he began laughing. "Did you say his, haha, GIRL friend?"
>He was laughing to hard to notice the second bottle coming his way, and it laid him out
>on the floor, still laughing. Scott looked up to see Jubes on the barkeep's back ripping
>his hair out, spitting curses, and still managing to get a few gulps of her White Russian.
>He shook his head looking down at the helpless Wolvie rolling on the floor tears
>streaming down his face.
>Moments later all three of them were thrown out of the establishment on their rears,
>liberally splashed with liquor and broken glass. Jubes rolled the gasping Wolvie over to
>dig into his rear pocket for a lighter, "Hey Scott you got a ciggy I can have?"
>He handed her a pack and lit up one of his cigars. She helped Wolvie up and they
>leaned against the wall for a minute breathing in the night air. "Hey Jubes, Mags new
>girlfriend is Henrietta McRoy."
>Her eyes widened "Did you say GIRL friend." Wolvie nodded. "Oh lord I wish I could
>see his face when he finds out."
>"Don't we all." Scott chimed in.
>Meanwhile inside the cafe Bishop was sitting with his back against the wall trying to
>figure out someway to get out of the cafe without his enemies killing him.
>I know they're all looking at me....that barkeep over there was trying to "accidentally"
>kill me
>He cocked his gun's quietly and undid the clasps holding down his two hunting knives,
>switchblade, blowtorch, four handguns, mace spray, ink pen,
>Then he rose to his feet (this is what's kept him in such good shape, he doesn't work out,
>he just lugs this junk around with him.) with a loud rattle which drew everyone's
>attention to him.
>Oh god, they know I'm sneaking out. They're gonna try to kill me off before I get out the
>door. If I just slide along this wall maybe they won't see me.
>He began sliding along the plank wall towards the door slide, rattle, rattle, slide, rattle
>rattle boom (knocked a table over). Slide, rattle, rattle, slide oww!.
>His enemies had put poisoned splinters in the wall just to kill him, they had known the
>whole time that this was how he'd get out.
>He should have just stayed seated, just like he had all month and this wouldn't have
>happened. Bishop was getting mad,
>He was out, free away from his enemies. He slid along the wall towards the semi-enemy
>people he had to get to to find the answer to his life threatening question...Was Eric
>going out with Henrietta McRoy, and did he know Henrietta wasn't Henrietta McRoy,
>she was really Henry McCoy?
>Wolvie, Jubes, and Scott looked up as Bishop poked his head out the door. He stuck his
>motion detector and camera out to record who was out there. It was cautiously pulled
>back in and in seconds Bishop moved out fast, his guns pulled shooting at a cat crossing
>the street that undoubtedly had poison claws intent on killing him.
>He was sure he had found a cure to the poison splinters after taking all of the various
>drugs he had,
>They thought they could kill HIM with just poison splinters..haha. They had done better
>before when they had left signs everywhere for him to find in a futile attempt to drive
>him crazy...like the bird that had screeched three times, or the cat that had crossed his
>path (he wasn't stupid he knew they had painted that black cat white just to trick him.
>Well he'd shown them when he'd blown that cat to kingdom come!
>His back once again against the safe wall he slid over to the semi-enemies.
(SoL. Eddie has a large button in his hand and is talking to Mike, whom he's trapped in the panel below the host area.)
Eddie: You were always the successful one! You always had to get the best temp jobs,
didn't you? When I worked at "Andy's Animal Auditorium" cleaning up animal waste
you were living the good life as a copy boy for a newspaper! Well, ha, I'll show you!
I'll show everyone!
Mike: (Muffled) What evil plans has your sick, twisted brain concocted?
Eddie: Ha! I'm going to blow up the oil fields!
Mike: (Laughing) What? What in the world are you talking about? What oil fields?
Eddie: Stop acting dumb, Michael!
Mike: Hey, I am not acting! Hey, wait a minute....
Eddie: Ha, I could always get you with that one, little brother. (spots Pearl's calling
button) What the heck is this? (Eddie presses it.)
(Back to the office building. Pearl is sitting alone, still listening to her tape. Bobo and
Observer enter carrying a box. Ortega sits at the table, patiently waiting.)
Pearl: What do you want? I just gave you raises seven years ago!
Observer: We want you to resign. Immediately!
Pearl: Fat chance. What's in the box? Did those Rutger Hauer movies arrive yet?
(Bobo opens the box to reveal a cat. Tape covers its cat mouth.)
Pearl: Lucifer Sam! (to cat) What have they done to you?
Bobo: Nothing yet, but that could change if you don't give us fully presidency of this
company, immediately!
Pearl: (thinks for a minute) Ah, what the heck, kill the cat?
Observer: (Miffed.) Alright, on to Plan B. (Observer disintegrates Pearl with his mind.)
Whoever makes it to the chair first is boss!!!
(Observer and Bobo make a dash to reach Pearl's chair. Observer wins.)
Observer: I made it first! My first act as company president: Fire Bobo.
Bobo: What? I thought we were partners.
Observer: You are a simple minded simian simpleton. Ortega, take him away.
(Ortega pulls Bobo out of the room. Observer leans back in his chair, pleased.)
(back in theater)
>Jubes rolled her eyes, "What brings you out here Paranoid?"
>Bishop's eyes narrowed She was using code words, must be trying to warn him. "I must
>ask you an life threatening question...Is Mags really dating Henrietta?" Wolvie nodded,
>"Does he know she is Henry?"
>Scott took the bait, "Why?"
>Bishop straightened (as much as he could carrying all that stuff.) and said in his best "I
>am a authority figure listen to me." voice " Because it is another plot to kill me, if Mags
>is not told he will come running out of the room he has just rented upstairs, and distract
>me while my enemies kill me."
>Jubilee's mouth dropped, "You mean they are um, you know, right now?" He nodded.
>Wolverine grinned evilly, "Let's go peek in the window."
>Jean and Jon walked out then and looked at the three of them crowded around the
>window and shook their heads, they were going home.
>Bishop was made his painfully slow clanking way to the window a good five minutes
>after the others. They all stared in, waiting, Scott was counting down from ten under his
>breath. Then they heard it, it started as a low rumble, but it rose quickly to a painful
>scream of horror. Then Mags came running down the stairs, absolutely buck naked,
>carrying his clothes and ran out the door.
>Moments later they heard his car spinning rubber, screeching out of the parking lot.
>Henrietta/Henry came running down the stairs her dress rolled up high on his/her thighs,
>crying,
>Scott, Jubes, and Wolvie were rolling on the sidewalk laughing so hard tears were
>pouring down their face.
>Everyone in the bar turned to stare at the window, looking directly at Bishop. Bishop
>looked down at his semi-enemies and noticed.....he was standing on...a...a...crack!!! Oh
>No!!! The enemies have made me break my mommy's back...
>He began to cry they had gotten him in the end...he slumped over dead...he'd suffered a
>heartattack caused by stress.
>The three on the ground had stopped laughing while Bishop blasted the bar into next
>year, but as they realized he'd caused his own death they started laughing again and
>slowly made their way over to Villain's supporting each other.
>Villain's was a dark, rough place. All the furniture was cheap, mismatched, and got
>broken in the nightly fights often. Sawdust covered the floor and tinny western music
>clashed with the 90's tunes blasting on the soundsystem. The place was run by the
>villain's for other villain's, but they also allowed just about anyone.
>Jubes and Wolvie wandered over to the bar to get their drinks in a glass this time
>pausing to pat an overjoyed, crying Apocalypse on the shoulder.
>Scott strode purposefully to the back to find the owner, the vilest villain ever
>drawn...Ororo Munroe,
>The unknown woman had her back to him, straddling a chair. Storm was wearing jeans
>and a tank top. He nodded to her in greeting "Scott, Glad your back. You know Gambit,
>and this here is Shera Crawler 007...you want to join us?"
>Scott shook his head no as Shera turned to greet him. He stared at the woman in front of
>him in shock...what an outfit...geez! It was made of a few, and I mean few, inch wide
>leather straps, you could barely call it descent, she made it look better than it probably
>was. She had long midnight-black hair, and Jade green cat eyes, and a perfect X-woman
>body.
>"Hi Scott." Her voice was low, sultry, and suggestive. He felt himself turning bright red.
>"Y-Y-your name was w-w-what?"
>She gave him a sexy smile, "It's Shera Crawler 007, but you can call me Crawler."
>He looked at her a minute, a thought was pushing through the fog in his brain,
>He loosened his grip to hear her excuse, "I didn't make them fall in love, that happened
>during the intermission. I have no control over that.
>"Ah, old boy, why don't you just let the lass go and all will be forgotten?" Scott turned
>to see Remy with a switchblade out ready to slit his throat.
>He grinned weakly, "I wasn't going to hurt her."
>Remy nodded "I realize that, but lad you don't realize what the lass has up her sleeves,
>so to speak. She isn't one to believe in giving a bloke a sporting chance."
>Scott looked down at the perfectly manicured hand he was holding, noticing the nails
>were edged in razor sharp metal.
>He looked up at Crawler, she was giving him another of her mind-numbing,
>Then she looked back at Scott expectantly. He shifted nervously, aware that Storm was
>laughing her butt off at him,
>"Well I could reveal some of Sinny's true past,
>"So what do you want in return?" he was suspicious, she'd never help him without a
>good reason...he just hoped she didn't want him to...
>She laughed, "Not you, not ever. But I'm sure I'll come up with a favor tonight. And a
>favor later.
>"Why two favors?" he was looking for the loophole.
>She smiled a little at his suspicion, "One tonight for breaking them up, and one
>tomorrow to try to get her to go for you."
>He nodded, " Nothing that will get me fired, and nothing to bad, please." She nodded
>solemnly and shook his hand to seal the bargain, "Stormy, you were the witness, you
>and Rem, if he don't live up to it I claim Villains pledge rights to kill him."
>He glared at her, Storm nodded with a slightly bloodthirsty grin, " Ya can count on it
>Shera, if ya to busy he be mine. Oh and Scottsy, ya betta stick round or ya'll be in deeper
>than evah befo, understand ami?"
>He nodded wondering why he felt like he had just made a losing deal with the devil,
>Bishop awoke with a jerk, no I mean it he really did wake up with a jerk.
>Sinister, the jerk in question, was leaning so close to him, he could smell his fish breath.
>He tried to move to slap Jon away, but found he was strapped to a metal table
>underneath a blinding dentists' light.
>From what he could see of the room, he was in a demented dentist's office with Jon, and
>Jean was no where to be seen. "
>Um, Jon. Don't you think you should, um let me go?"
>Sinister started laughing so hard he couldn't breath, then he started choking and ran to
>grab an asthma inhaler...after a few puffs he responded, "I am NOT Sinister, I am
>Winister...his evil mutant twin.
(SoL) Tom: Man, I feel sorry for those X-Men characters. They're trapped in a fanfic
written by some lunatic internet writer who completely ignores all previous continuity
and characterization all in the name for something the writer mistakenly thinks is funny.
(Tom looks over at Crow. Crow is dressed in a blonde wig and a long, pink dress.
He looks over at Eddie who is muttering insane ramblings while getting his explosive
device ready. He looks at Gypsy who is staring lovingly in Tom's eyes.... er head.)
Tom: (in sudden realization) NNOOOOO!!!!!!!!! Please tell me it isn't true!!! What
did we ever do to deserve this fate? (begins sobbing)
(Crow walks up to Tom)
Crow: Ha! You thought I was kidding, didn't you? Well, if I were a lying about being a
transvestite, than what am I doing wearing this dress?
Tom: Making a vain attempt to prove me wrong?
Crow: (sobbing) That's so true... ever since my amnesia I've been in a desperate identity
crisis...
Tom: (to Eddie) Mike, when exactly did Crow have amnesia?
Eddie: Ha!!! I have fooled you all! I am not mild-mannered Mike Nelson! In fact, I am
EDDIE NELSON his evil, older brother. (Tom and Crow don't seem to care.) Don't you
care?
Crow: Feh... one Nelson is the same as any other....
Eddie: Well, I'll prove you all wrong, I'm going to blow up the oil fields!
(Gypsy hits him with her head causing him to collapse.)
Tom: Hey, way to go Gyps!
Gypsy: Crow, I have something to tell you... Thomas and I have been having an affair!
Crow: Affair?
Tom: Thomas? Since when am I Thomas?
(Crow, in a blind rage, violently attacks Servo.)
Crow: GYPSY IS THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE!!! HOW DARE YOU?
Tom: There's no place like home... there's no place like home.... there's no place like
home....
(Tom suddenly wakes up. He looks around, Crow is not wearing a dress, Mike has no
mustache and Gypsy is totally indifferent to his presence.)
Tom: What happened?
Mike: You fell asleep.
Tom: I had this weird nightmare! (to Mike) And you were in it! (to Crow) And you!
(to Gypsy) And you! I am laying off the soap operas forever... (exits)
(Mike, Crow, and Gypsy begin laughing...)
Gypsy: Do you think he bought it?
Mike: (holding up paste on mustache) Hook, line, and sinker. This was a good idea,
Crow.
Crow: Thanks, I got the idea from an episode of "Sabrina the Teenage Witch." I have a
question, though. Why didn't I disguise myself as my evil twin, Timmy?
Mike: Well, you drew the short straw and had to be the transvestite. Beside, you already
had the dress....
Gypsy: I've got a question: How did you make it seem like you were trapped underneath
the floorboards?
Mike: Ahh... I used ventriloquism.
Crow: Mike, where did you learn ventriloquism, and why haven't we learned this about
you before?
Mike: The answer to those questions are simple... you see back in the summer of '83...
(sees Pearl's calling button) Oh, it'll have to wait, Pearl's calling. (to Pearl) Thank you
for participating in our little practical joke on Servo.
(The office building. Observer, Bobo, Pearl, and Ortega are sitting around the table.)
Observer: No biggie.... it was a rather simple use of my omnipotent abilities to create this
silly little office building and some of the actors.
Pearl: (Deadpan) Oh yeah, that was big fun. You don't have to thank me, I'll make up
for it... the next installment of "Sinister Unmasked" isn't too far away.
Bobo: I thought it was mighty funny. To think Lawgiver could be in love with a stupid,
little cat. Back in my planet we used to eat cats for breakfast.
Pearl: That's nice, Bobo. (to all) Everyone get out, Pearl needs some time alone.
Bobo: I don't think you get the point. We REALLY DID eat cats for breakfast!
Pearl: That's nice.
(Everyone leaves. Pearl reaches into the box and pulls out Lucifer Sam.)
Pearl: (baby talk) Oh... Sammy... don't let them bother you... (notices camera) Hey! Is
that thing still on? (Covers it with hand. End)
All "Mystery Science Theater 3000" characters and situations are completely and utterly
owned by the hardworking fellows at Best Brains Inc. This fanfic itself is probably copy-
written by Shera Crawler 007. X-Men are copyrighted Marvel Entertainment. This is not
meant as a personal attack on the author, or any other entity for that matter. Any resemblance between characters and actual people would be really sad. Stay tuned for
a MiSTing of selections from Ben Waton's infamous Frank Zappa book: "The Negative
Diadetics of Poodle Play..."
>Bishop awoke with a jerk, no I mean it he really did wake up with a jerk.